Of Emptiness and Itches

Came across this interesting quote:

"I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches."
-Alice Longworth


Now which brings me to my question:
Do you think we at some points, have an empty kinda feelin?

OR MAYBE

There is a secret magic potion for A 'Perpetual High' like state 99.9% of the time?
(Drug free please!)

I would love to fill mine with lots of Love and Laughter. (Goood things start with 'L'!)

And when im drunk, good things then start with 'F'! i.e
Fornicating
Fondue
Fondling
F**king  sorry!
Fosters (beer)
Fidgeting
Fwah!!!!

And so the lists rolls on...............................................................

Fashion
Fame
Falalalala!!!

And I think: How nice it will be when your itch gets scratched by that special someone's hand.

AHhhhhhhhhhah ahhhhh
*Higher darling higher... to the left LEfT!!
AHhhhhhhhhhh............

TRSKkkkk!

What the hell.. I am certainly going empty. :(

******************************************************************************
Which brings to mind, when I was happily reading in the train when my phone rang.
It was my mum.

Reason she called is to ask: "Have I taken the umbrella?"

I said: "Nope"

She asked: "Then who took it?!"

I replied, impatiently: "How do I know??"

Then she said "ok" and hang up

Suddenly my brain was a myraid of thoughts, and a sense of overwhelming sadness came over me.
For my mum.

She is a housewife.
All I ever see her do, are household chores. Come to think of it, she can be bordering abit on anal.
What she dislikes, she nags, but things never change. The chores go unappreciated, taken for granted. Well she could really just don't bother and leave us to our own defences.

But ultimately, its still Mum who will bear the brunt of shit and with the other two males who think they are kings.
Just because , Mum won't allow that
And I guess I could help out abit, for which I really really dislike!
Doing chores really suck. I know how to do it. I would gladly do it. But I dislike being expected to do it just because Im a girl.
I get overwhemled by the imbalance that the two other kings get to slap their backsides and go prop their legs elsewhere without being expected to help.
For I am stubborn and imperfect.

I really do feel sad. My mum getting a tad worked up over a missing umbrella......

Im confused.

Isnt there other things she could actually get excited about in life?

Sometimes I can see the broodiness on her face. Sometimes the moodiness is like a thick blanket, threatening to suffocate whoever is in the room.

Plus incessant nagging whenever her mood befits. I've learned to shut it out and wish she would lighten up, go clubbing or something.

Maybe she really is lonely. My dad is not only the most unromantic person in the world and that I would term him 'kayu' in terms of a relationship. LOL
NOT to say he is not a good dad cause he is my dad. :) Im duty bound.

Maybe he really doesnt know how to express himself.

I often think: Why is it so hard?

Is it because of our inflated egos that we never show affection as easily ?

OR

A really low self esteem we think we would fail long before we even got the guts to try it?
Even for something really simple? :(

OR

Probably it's just human's selfish nature to take things for granted and that 'MISERY loves company'
-If I don't feel good, I'll make sure you don't too.
PSYCHOTIC....

OR

It's just easier to hide and wish that things will be right once again or bad things will just go away......
Delusional? Very likely!

I feel sad. Really. Probably so much so that that's what prompted me to write this entry.

WHY?

AND I realised you can never build your happiness upon someone else's or if we based our happiness on external events, we'll never be happy.
Because if you do, what you are gonna get is: My mum.

It has got to come from within.

HOW?

*Great sigh*
Adding to the fact that we often like to let our minds run too wild and we start to scare ourselves. 胡思乱想


On a side note:

Even my friends tell me they get shocked when they see my mum smiling at them whenever they come visit in these recent times!
YES! Its only in recent years she is able to let go some and stop being so uptight. You can only imagine how uber moddy she has been in the past.

Well the naggings never stop, for which right now I've associated those mini bouts of nagginess as her way of showing affection.

And these have somehow been projected onto me as the other extreme end of my personality.

I dislike nagging and/or screaming.
I did tell some of my friends: if you make me start to nag or scream at you in any way (with the exception of screaming with laughter), it will cause me to build alot of resentment.
I will detach so I don't start or even resent the person.

Running away? OR simply detachment? Maybe both. But that's just me. Though I would much rather practise the art of detachment.

HOWEVER detaching doesnt mean I don't care.
I merely let you choose your own way of feelings while I sort out mine.

Now All I would say is:
Either Start finding that itch and scratch it! OR Look for your deserved happiness within!

You totally deserve it.



The girl who is just a girl,
G